Stings Like A Bee

Someone recently commented about how I have somehow managed to keep this inside of me, or not to have posted about our attack and Jim’s stabbing. Initially after the attack, I made a few brief posts and for those I think you can find them in the archives for May 2008 and perhaps even June 2008. I did save some footage that the local tv station broadcast the day of the attack as well as the few days immediately following it. Not for the faint of heart, but if anyone is interested in watching one of the news reports, simply click HERE to view. You’ll need a simple media player to view this file.

Ultimately, three young men were arrested and charged with the attack on us as well as the stabbing of Jim. While all three of them participated fully in the attack, only one of them actually stabbed Jim. This was probably a good thing as the one fellow doing the stabbing managed to stab Jim a total of twenty four times. While a number of his wounds were defensive in nature, three of the stab wounds were extremely critical ones, and for whatever reason, should have been life ending rather than life threatening. To this very day, his doctors are still utterly amazed that Jim managed to walk away from this alive. He now has a near four inch scar on his neck where the knife ended up slashing through. By sheer luck or miracle, his main artery managed to be missed by the smallest amount, although the knife managed to damage nerves and tendons in this area. Jim still suffers the aftermath of this wound today as he has yet to regain feeling along that side of his body from the top of his head down through the upper part of this leg. He is by no means paralyzed on that side, but it is very apparent that some form of damage has been done, not to mention the loss of strength and co-ordination vs his other side. His lung was pierced which caused it to collapse at the site of the attack, plus his liver was also pierced b y the knife. Additional liver issues is exactly what a recovering addict wants/needs to deal with later in life as well! As a result of these two wounds, Jim now also has a major scar on his chest running from the end of his throat to his belly button due to the emergency surgery required to repair these wounds. Lucky me got to witness this entire attack.

To say that we have both been dealing with issues since this attack is definitely a bit of an understatement. Obviously, for Jim, his immediate concern was getting his health back which has required a lot of work on his part. He has had to go through some brutal physiotherapy sessions to get himself back to close to normal. He still has a long way to go but at least he’s able to even do this, something the doctors weren’t too sure of this time last year. Pretty soon he will be starting therapy to deal with PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am currently in therapy myself getting help for the exact same thing. Initially, I had no idea how much this attack had affected me and my outlook on life and the rest of the world, but the longer that I am in treatment, the easier it is for me to see the damage. I have mixed feelings about everything IE the attack, our recoveries from it, the accused and what will ultimately happen to them. By this, I am referring to their ultimate criminal trial which has now been postponed twice. This is so very frustrating as we are now waiting once again to get subpoena to testify. Initially, the trial was to be held in January but that was canceled. We got another subpoena for the trial to begin May 7, 2009, but less than 24 hours before it was to start, we received a call stating that it was going to be adjourned until a later date and to disregard our most recent subpoena as we would be issued another once a new trial date had been set! Grrrr…Apparently one of the defendants decided he wanted/needed a new lawyer so now his new lawyer needs time to prepare.

I have mixed feelings about having to testify in court as in I’d really rather do anything else but this! I know that if this does actually proceed to a trial then I ultimately may have no choice. Obviously in the end, I will also do the right thing. I guess because for so many years, we lived in that gray area of drugs and dealers that for me, its kind of a knee jerk reaction to avoid the law and courts at all costs. Its like I’m being a rat of some sort if I testify against these three. I know that I am not, that this is an entirely different situation. These are people that you had never, ever seen before that day. These are people that don’t run with the same crowd that we used to run with, nor will they ever. Yes, its now been three and a half years since I removed myself from that environment, but its still hard to shake off the stink. Also, ultimately, these three attacked and deeply affected me and mine, and by their actions, very much made it personal. I also know why they are dragging this out delaying their day in court, even though, to this very day, not one of them has been able to make bail and have sat in jail since about three hours after the attack. I understand that one of the accused is still only a landed immigrant to this country and that there is an extremely good chance that once he has served his sentence, that he will be deported back to his country of origin – the Sudan. I suspect that the other two – who happen to both be brothers – are counting on getting two for one credit when sentencing is finally handed down.

The thing is that, honestly, I don’t really care what happens to these three now. Whether they are released five minutes after their trial ends, or whether they are sent away for another few years it doesn’t really matter. Their damage is already done. No sentence or punishment will give us our old life back. Its gone, over, changed forever.

Running On Empty

Finally, I am home. I am exhausted, done in, tired beyond belief, shattered, barely unconscious, almost horizontal…I think that you all get the picture. Since getting my drivers license almost twenty eight years ago, except for the past two years, I have always had my own vehicle, and for many years we were a two car family. While I very rarely regret our decision to give up our truck, certainly there are times, when it would be very convenient to have a vehicle at my disposal. Today, most definitely, would have been one of those days.I had an appointment with one of my doctors at the PTSD Clinic today for 11am, a time I normally would not remotely consider early. As the weather this morning was particularly nasty, I knew that there was a very good chance that public transportation would most likely be running a bit behind schedule. To ensure that I wasn’t late for my appointment, I left home with what should have been more than enough time for me not to arrive late. Boy, obviously I couldn’t have been more wrong! What normally should have been a twenty five minute bus ride turned into an hour and twenty minute exodus of sorts, not to mention that I ended up having to walk on unshoveled sidewalks for a large portion of my trip! Grrr….

Now, one of the things that I learned rather quickly upon becoming a user of mass transportation was the importance of always being properly dressed, especially if you want to ensure a pleasant and comfortable trip. Nothing sucks harder than being improperly dressed and having to face a near hour jaunt across town when you are so hot but unable to remove any more articles of clothing without the fear of being charged with indecent exposure! You have to get used to not being able to wear those four inch killer stilletos with that cute spring jacket anymore if you no longer have a vehicle parked waiting for you in that beautiful heated garage – trust me, nothing kills that I’m feeling oh so sexy feeling when its freezing cold and you’ve still got approximately ten more blocks to walk before you reach your final destination, and the very last thing you want to be wearing are those bloody uncomfortable shoes and paper thin jacket that would be lucky to keep you warm in the middle of summer in Cuba!

My appointment finished just after twelve, and as soon as it was done, I headed over to the grocery store to grab some food. I was able to take a bit of a breather once I got home, while I waited for Jim to get ready to go out, as we both still needed to go to the clinic. Off we went. I literally was traveling back in the direction from where I had just been, but at least this time, I had company. With the bus delays and now rush hour traffic, our return trip ended up taking close to three hours. As the pharmacy that we go to for our methadone didn’t have one of the prescriptions that my doctor had written for me earlier today – who doesn’t have Paxil in stock by the by? – I still needed to do one more thing before I finally got home for the day. Said bye to Jim once we had reached our apartment then I continued on for another five minutes until I got to the Shoppers by our home.

Of course, when I handed in my script to the pharmacist, she announced that they were extremely busy this evening and were running about an hour behind. Colour me shocked. Pretty much par for the course for me today.Luckily for me, my girlfriend who works in the cosmetics dept at this Shoppers just happened to be working this evening.  Bless her heart as she offered me my first real relief of the day. When she finishes at eleven, she’s going to drop my scripts off to me so I don’t have to make another trip anywhere at all today! Sweetness, indeed. As it was, I didn’t end up coming through my door until almost 7:30 this evening.

But now, this is all behind me. I am sitting comfortably on one of my couches typing madly away, and with each keystroke typed, all of the tension is disappearing, soon to be forgotten!

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Today was my third appointment with the lovely folks on the Eighth Floor of the old Victoria Hospital here in town. Pretty much the only floor left at the hospital that is still in use, other than the seventh which is used in conjunction with the eighth to warehouse their psych patients. Today was my appointment with one of their Psychologists. I’ve already been seen by a Psychiatrist and Occupational Therapist there as part of my assessment/treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from the attack back in May.  Their next step now will be for the three of them to sit down together to discuss what I talked about at each of their sessions and for them to put together some sort of attack plan to put all of me back together again! Today’s session lasted just over three hours, the longest of the sessions so far. So far I’ve been most impressed with my “team” and have ended up feeling surprisingly comfortable and at ease talking to them. Color me shocked!

Jim will eventually also have to start some sort of this therapy but I think that his doctors want him to have some more physiotherapy to aid his physical wounds before they introduce anything new to his mix. His next physiotherapy appointment is not until Thursday afternoon so we’ve got a days rest between the two. Well, sort of cause tomorrow is “doctor” day at the clinic so not so much of a break! The only downside to his physiotherapy  appointments is that they are literally on the other side of town. Even though we only have to take one bus, we end up being on the bus for an hour and twenty minutes! The upside is his therapy is located beside a mall that I practically never, ever go to because of how far away it is from us. I take advantage of the time that he is with his Physiotherapist to do some shopping! Just a win, win situation all around.

Speaking of hospitals, this certainly has been the week for them in my family. My foster daughter, Katie, just got home from the emergency after getting treatment for her earlobe. She put a stretcher in her right lobe that ended up being too big or put too much stress or something that she got an infection as well as splitting her lobe. I had no idea in advance that she was even going to do something like this so by the time she showed me, it was already infected. She is over eighteen and allegedly an adult after all. Apparently once the infection has healed, they will be able to recommend a plastic surgeon to repair the lobe. Ouch!!!

Yesterday, my daughter, Sara, got a phone call from her boyfriend, Andre, around lunchtime to let her know that he was at the emergency because he got his thumb caught in one of the machines at his work and that he was about to go into surgery so that his thumb could be saved and repaired. He is over here right now and all is well with him and his thumb apparently. Thank goodness. Already too much excitement and its only Tuesday evening. The week isn’t even half over yet! Fingers crossed that it will only be uphill from here!!!